H fell today.  I was right there, I saw it, right before my very eyes.  She was running away and coming back to tease me (uhm, she didn’t want her bum wiped after pooping!) and came in the bathroom.  I reached for her and she backed away and fell and gashed her head on the pipe under the sink.  Screams and blood and cuddles (quick bum wipe!) and ice to the head and more cuddles followed.  I got her to sit with me, B wasn’t home and was running (VERY!) late.  She’d already said she was on her way so I waited 10 minutes and then called to inquire where she was as she should have been here by then.  She was just then about to leave – grrr… but all I got out was “H fell and hit her head and it’s bleeding a lot” (as it’s a head wound).  


We called her doctor and because it was 5 minutes after hours (of course it was) they said to control the bleeding, watch it and if we felt it needed attention or she acted weird (hello, toddler) to take her to the local ED/ER.  B cleaned it up, former EMT training comes in handy with this toddler!  It was about 1/4″ or so and deep but wasn’t bleeding and H was asking for dinner so we decided to eat and keep a close eye on her.  She ate a fabulous dinner including 2 green beans (a record) so feeding was a good choice! And then checked it again and it was oozing so we decided to head in.  


We packed up her diaper bag with books, jammies and a candy cane for afterwards and headed out in the night for the hospital.  It was a quiet night there and we were seen pretty quickly and were in and out in about two hours.  They did staples because they are easier and less painful than stitches and despite it being a gash between the pigtails the scar won’t matter because it is under her hair.  The childlife staff were fabulous and brought her a dollhouse to play with and when she wasn’t interested came with videos (Bob the Builder) and a tool set. :-)  H was thrilled and settled in.  The doctor and resident and all three nurses were also fabulous.  They prepared to restrain her to do the staples but there was no need.  She laid down on her belly and watched Bob and listened when told to be still and got the three quick staples.  When they were all done they told her she was brave and did a good job and she teared up a little and said “that hurt” but just wanted hugs and cuddles.  


The nurse brought her about 50 stickers and the doctor and resident gave her hugs and high fives for bravery.  Wound care is simple and of course there had to be a catch so she can’t get the wound wet for a week so she can’t begin swim lessons tomorrow as planned.  She has to wait a week and will be crushed to learn that she can’t swim with the kids and learn to swim all by herself tomorrow.  


About a week ago we were at the Y and she fell off a chair and broke open her chin and had to be glued back together so this is a second wound in a short amount of time.  The doc in the ER asked us to take off a month or two before we come back, please.  She also has a H of her own and said they are dare-devils. :-) That’s our girl – glad she has no fear, but maybe a little caution would be nice.


We are home and H is now sleeping.  Let’s hope she sleeps in a bit because today was a long day.  Tomorrow I will call and let them know we are going to be taking the swim lessons but are going to miss the first class.  We will also call the pediatrician if she doesn’t call us first to make an appointment for next week for them to be removed.





















Here is the damage to the blonde, pig-tailed one.

As you can tell, oh one reader left, I haven’t been blogging.  Life fell apart for a bit here.  That happened at the end of September, and I’ve been trying to piece things together again.  No, not with my wife or with the child, but professionally something happened and it’s going to hurt for a while.  That said, I figure the eve of a new year is as good a time as any to attempt to resurface.  Here are my resolutions to date:

1) eat better… doing this already… I’ve fixed breakfast (in the chaos I stopped eating it – no lectures, obviously I know I should eat breakfast) and so I now have 2 eggs and a piece of fruit.  I don’t have morning classes this spring so keeping that part up is ok.  Next I will fix lunch… then dinner.  And part of “fixing” breakfast means no snacks before lunch.  Same will carry over to fixing lunch  – no snacks before dinner… and then dinner… no snacks before bed.

2) exercise more… doing this already… been hitting the gym and I wear my pedometer.  I am tracking how many steps per day and hoping to nudge that up each time I hit my goal two months in a row.  Goal is 5000/day including on average 3000/day that are aerobic.

3) say nice things… mostly about my family (nuclear) but sometimes about my extended family (not too often ;-)).  

4) blog, write, whatever at least once a week.  I think it helps me process and it definitely engages me in some form of conversation with adults!

5) send out stuff for publication – goal for the year is three articles.  This is hard for me because I fear rejection.  Yeah yeah yeah, I know how it works… but you know what, I still have rejection issues.  So I will try.  I have paper proposals in to several conferences and I should be able to turn at least one paper from last go-round into a publishable paper… with some work…


Those are my current resolutions.

It has been over a month since my defense and over a week since I graduated, … and I don’t exactly know what to do with myself. I mean, I have lots of work to do as I get no real break from summer to fall teaching, but I have no idea what to do with myself. I have made most of a quilt top for H, am trying to (re)organize our home, I’ve helped disassemble the crib and transition the child to her bed, she’s nearly potty trained in the day (minus naps), and I still don’t quite know what to do. I am beginning to find my way I think. I intellectually know what I need to do but when a dear friend referred to her experience as akin to post-partum (depression even) I think she was right.

This dissertation and graduating and all is something I have worked towards for about a decade of my life. More if you want to count my master’s in a different field. It has defined who I am when I get asked what I do at parties. It has taken up all my free time and affected everything from getting pregnant to where we decided to live. It has been who I am. And now I am not totally sure. I mean, I know who I am and my feet are firmly planted but I look around and go – I am done with school after 30 years?! And if you are willing to include preschool then a little longer even. I am out before my kid is in… but barely. She will be old enough for preschool in early spring (thus, she’ll go in the fall).

I’ve told B – she’s going to get me all to herself and not know what to do because I am available. It must also be a bit like retirement. Something one truly looks forward to and has loads of ideas about but when the reality hits and one day you get up and go to work and the next you don’t have to… well, when are you supposed to get up?

Of course, Wednesday classes start up and I will be teaching a full load plus one so I won’t be bored. I need to find a tenure-track position or decent post-doc and I must publish, but being busy isn’t the same as having a purpose. I need a purpose at the moment. I am finding my way and not sure where I will be. And I don’t mind the uncertainty. I really don’t. But it does feel strange.

Some of you know, others may not.  But I am finished!!! I defended my dissertation on the 31st and uploaded the final version with corrections on the 13th.  I will  graduate next week and have my PhD in hand.

For those who took the survey that means I am finishing up the summary to send to all who asked. :-)

I am enjoying my two weeks with my child.  It’s been a long summer.  I figured I would finish up in June and play with her all of July and August and what she gets is about 10 days.  Now I am trying to finalize syllabi for the fall and clarifying the arrangements for fall daycare.  Not the peaceful summer I imagined.  There are friends we hoped to see and we just didn’t or couldn’t.  Now I am getting together with as many of them as I can, but days are numbered.

It’s been to cold to swim here, too.  I am not disappointed we joined the pool but I do wish we’d gone more often.  Now the summer will be over before we can extract every penny from our membership.

And in H news, the child discovered the joys of dress up the other day.  Having been lukewarm before it was funny to see her suddenly ask to play dress up and then cover herself in every imaginable piece. only good if you wear it ALL

me to h: are you my baby?
h: no, i mommy baby
me: so you aren’t mine, too?
h: no, you go get you own
go get NOTHER one

Update: yes, I defended.  BUT… yes, I have edits to do.


Until the edits are done there are no celebrations.  I don’t want them and I need my time to get the edits done.  Turnaround is quick if I want to graduate in addition to having defended.

I have about 10 pages to go and a full edit on nearly 300 pages.  It’s been a long five or so years (longer if you count my master’s)…

Here’s what I think about the next things:

“Now, I don’t know just where I’m gonna go;
maybe Maui or Costa Rica.
But man, I want my biggest choice to be,
“Do I want a MaiTai or Margarita?”

http://www.travisjameshumphrey.com/music-17.html  (He is the musician we hired for our wedding, too!!!)

Census Won’t Count Gay Marriages

By Christopher Lee
Washington Post Staff Writer
Thursday, July 17, 2008; A19

Chapter 6 is edited and I just need to input them and condense two paragraphs down to a nice table.


But today = chaos.  B is home late many Fridays, today being one of them.  H had playgroup, then nap.  After nap we hit the pool – what a fantastic swimmer she’s turning out to be (no pics, as I am *in* the water and not on the side!!!).

During nap I tried to finish my edits from last night, but this happened:

or bad engineer?

Naught kitty or bad engineer?


I heard a terrible crash while in the office but over the baby monitor.  I assumed the child fell and something fell with her from the sound.  But she was quietly sleeping (thankfully the noise didn’t wake her and neither did I!).  So I headed downstairs to investigate and found a very very scared looking cat wandering around.  I can only assume she was trying, again, to perch her little self up there on the shelves. 

Instead of editing, I cleaned.  We lost some stuff – but it’s all good.  And the most expensive thing on the shelves… survived unscathed.

My reasons for not finishing AFTER the child went to bed… well, all I can say is iPh*ne 2.0 updates and Apps.  ::sigh::

More on the dissertation.  If you are on my facebook you already could see I have been “dealing with religion” and “fixing religion”.  This is another area I am struggling with in the dissertation writing.

A word about the survey first – I asked a series of questions in the survey about religious affiliation, belief and practice.  For some people this section was no big deal – not shocking since about 95% of Americans claim some affiliation with a community of faith (practice may differ).  Also, since 9-11 the numbers in terms of attendance have gone up in all sorts of houses of worship.  And, finally, marriage and family are two times when individuals who may have walked away from their own religious upbringing will often return.  The decision to marry within one’s tradition, if such an option exists, and to raise one’s children in a tradition are major choices.  Not to mention the messy patchwork of possibilities that can exist when people from two (or more) traditions decide to be a family together, with or without children.  So I asked.  Again, for some people this asking was no big deal.  For others, I seem to have ticked them off a wee bit in the asking.

Some of the questions I asked came out of the Ge.neral So.cial Su.rvey and are things such as “How frequently do you meditate, on your own or with your family?”.  Some people who claim a religious affilitation do not practice in any way and some who have rejected institutionalized religion maintain some spiritual practices.  Simply skipping over those questions because someone is an athiest doesn’t provide enough of what I was looking for in there.  I hope to understand how couples decide what to do about religion, faith, belief, and practice in a world where religion is both important and marginalizing for so many queers.  That’s why all the questions.

A few things I learned:

* About half of the respondents plan to raise their child(ren) in a religious tradition.  About a third are unsure. 

* Of those who are certain yes or unsure, 86% plan to raise their child(ren) in their current tradition.

* Among those who espouse a religion – most find support and guidance in their faith and their religion. 

* Most respondents consider themselves to be spiritual people.

* More than half of respondents said “I have felt rejected by the religious tradition of my upbringing because of my sexual orientation and/or my family” and even more said the felt rejected by the leaders of their faith community from their upbringing.

And, finally, a few people were concerned that I “expected” everyone to have a religion and I just wanted to say – if that upset you, I apologize.  In leaving the questions open-ended as much as possible and including both “never” and “not applicable” I thought I was including everyone, no matter their affiliation or set of beliefs, including athiests, agnostics, and those who are on an individual spiritual path.  But I do feel the asking is important – the role of religion in society and in our politics isn’t going away anytime soon and I want to understand a bit more about how people experience religion in their lives – the good, the bad, and the ugly! :-)  (And to the “big, bad athiest” who took the survey – thanks for the smile when I was coding the data – :-))



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